Struggling Satisfaction

I find myself in a similar position that I have been before. Late at night, all alone, in a dark dark place but this time I an reading Gods word and talking to him. Incredible difference from life before to life now. The strides in my life from a pornographic stand point have been close to unbelievable, but yet I still lack satisfaction and strive to reach a higher goal.

Sometimes I really despise being a follower of God because in order to do it right it takes a lot of work and perseverance and fight. It\’s a battle! But unlike any other battle that had ever taken place before, this battle get harder the more you win. It\’s weird because you would think that there would be relief on the other side of victory but it\’s like traveling north in a straight line. You reach this mountain and you start to climb and it is tough but you fight through. You don\’t give up. You even have a few guys cheering you on, then finally, you reach the top, your hands on your knees head in your crouch, sucking air like a vacuum. Suddenly you breath catches you and you lift your head only to see the next mountain you have to go over it bigger, steeper, rockier, and colder.

I love espn stuff. It\’s like the come-on man that they do every week. You lift your head and you see the next mountain and the next word out of my mouth are comeon man!

So back to where I was before it\’s just hard to find that satisfaction with where I am now because after I conquer something the stakes are raise and my convictions are heightened. Especially when I watch one of the young men on my basketball team live out his life before all. He is really incredible and one of the most \”on fire\” people I have every been around. He is constantly reading his bible. Not for school, not for requirement, not for guilt, not to figure out theology, but strictly because he loves listening to God\’s words. It\’s absolutely incredible that it makes me sick. Literally sick to my stomach because this freshman in college gets it. He gets it. It makes my stomach sick to think about how i follow Christ in front of others. Wow. I am awed by his faith. I want that relationship with you God. I don\’t want to continue to make time for you but I want you to be my time. I wanna find satisfaction in you. Find satisfaction in just reading what you wrote to me a long time ago. Give me that faith, give me that desire and help me to find satisfaction in you alone.

RAMBO