This week has been crazy this week. Part of this week has just been outstanding and I have grown and followed after him with my actions and my speech. On the other hand my thought life has just been absolutely stupid! I have come to the realization that I have just completely ignored my thought life and let it run wild. That is my big struggle right now. My thoughts have completely taken over and I don\’t remember the last time I tried to tame or control them at all. Even sitting here at work I was tempted so hard to not journal. Tempted not to think about God. It is such a fight and tonight I finally admitted to myself that it was wrong.
I wont get into detail because frankly its not nessecary. I have decided that it fight time. Because of my thought life being rotten I have also fell easily in other areas when tempted. I just dont understand why the devil is so frickin good at luring me back in to his stupid plans. Ahhhh. This blows. I also am bumbarded with thoughts of inadequacy when it comes to me seeking God and so I get more down on myself and that in turn makes my mind wander even more. Its like this endless cycle. Well that was since last time on here.
Recently, as of today it has become one of those long awaited days of hitting bottom and starting my treck back up the hill again. I have come to realize that this time around because of the growth that God has blessed me with my decent back down the dark path was a little elongated and not a straight drop off the map. He was slow playing me. Like fishing soft plastic worms for bass. You just throw it out there and let the stew on it and you might have to throw it a couple times right in that stupid fishes face but if you are patient enough he will bite sooner or later. Before I was like a buzzbait or spinner. The devil would just throw it and I would reaction bite right away and be hooked. I am older, fatter, lazier, and a tiny bit smarter and resisting that reaction strike was alot easier this go around. I almost feel like that\’s why I was plateauing.
So on we go with the week till today when I finally get together with this guys named Eric. He is frickin awesome. Right away we hit it off and he was stoked about this athenticity concept and wanted to be apart of a weekly thing to strength me and hopefully I can strengthen him and the thoughts of inadequacy will fade to the background. We chatted for about two hours and realized he has a ton in common with me and I with him. He would fit perfectly into our group cuz he is a business entrepreneur and loves to hunt. Incredible! I am so excited to see how God will take off with this.
In the time that we talked I was encouraged to do the love dare. He had done it with his wife and learned a tremndous amount about himself and her. So at first my thoughts are always selfish and I thought, well I will do that when our relationship is shakey and that will fix it right up. Wow what an arrogant dick head I am. Alittle over confident there buddy? What was I thinking? Like my relationship with kate is perfect or can\’t use some work, try alot of work and alot of the work obviously needs to be done by me. So after I opened my pie hole and blurted this obscurity my new buddy in the nicest way ever without telling me, told me that what I just said to him was the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard and that I need a huge lesson in humility for one and a side of just wait and see. Wow, what a kick in the pants.
I say that alot, \”kick in the pants, or gut punched\” and I use it kinda lightly and I wish it wasn\’t just a saying. I wish when something hits me like lately that some miget with a mowhawk comes out of no where and upper cuts me in the nuts cuz I think I say it and then go on the next day like nothing had happened. Well I hope and I think that this time is alot different than the last couple months and that I actually stick with the love dare and get into mark dricoll. He has caught my eye and having this new buddy as well to really challenge me has.presented the prime opportunity to pick up my gloves again and give the devil his long awaited 1-2 to the chin.
Wow I rambled but I hope that reading back over this helps me realize what I have and where God wants to.take.me and is taking me right now.
– Rambo
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 
Thanks I need that encourage ment. Miss being able to say this stuff in your office or on wed night.
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I think we seek comfort too much. We think that if we do it right, we'll get that ahhhhhhh feeling. realistically, it's a fight. If we're comfy, it's usually cause we checked out of the fight. So it sounds like you're where you want to be.
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