Unreal Creator

Wow! I think I have started alot of blogs lately that start with that three letter word. WOW! I am speechless to find another word to describe God and how he works in my life. He is utterly ridiculous. I can\’t comprehend how magnificent he is in his ultimate plan. He not only plans one persons life but he plans multiple people that interchange and are weaved together into an intricated quilt. The detail is beyond perfection. It truly amazes me on who God continually puts in my life to bless me and keep me pointed towards him. I get real with one guy and it leads me literally all over the country. Its crazy to think where I will be in a couple years if I have been taken this far in just a few years. This new guy I have met just blows me away with what he has to share and the relationship that I have been building over the last two weeks and ituu makes me feel alot better about missing out on man tracker night.

Let\’s see the rest of my week has actually went extremely better than it has been the last few weeks. I have been embarking on a new experience in relationship with being challenged to do the love dare. It has actually taught me alot about my self and made me realize small ways and even big ways that make huge differences in my life and my relationship with Katie and more importantly God. Its gotten me consistently in the word and attempting to seek him.

There is a down side and I an hoping that it will be resolved soon. My mind was completely a mess today. It has been rough all week but it seems like I just took a huge dump on my thought life today. Lust and imagining just took over and I sat there like a piece of deal and let it take control. There was no God in the picture at all! Ahh! I guess it that was my only failure and at the end of this week I can honestly say that I saught after God a majority of the time then its a good week. I was in the word everyday and seeking to be a better Godly leader and be more like Christ. Following in his steps. Meeting this new buddy of mine and making it a priority to meet regularly just shows how I truly went after what door God opened. Its amazing when we are obedient to his calling.

Also another area I guess has been a struggle is what my lady friend and I do physically. This is a totally different situation than ever before. All other times I have been a complete scumbag piece of s#!+. I have been selfish and probably ruined some girls and seriously hurt other just by wanting more just because I wanted it not because I was interested or even when I was just letting the physical be the foundation to what the relationship sat on. With this girl its completely turned in a different direction. I feel as though our relationship is firmly grounded in communication and God. More God from my part but none the less God. The physical happens not nearly as often and is not a priority or a desire to use that to show my affection towards her. My motivation for showing affection as flipped 180° to showing her that I love her by waiting. By not letting lust for each other consume our relationship and putting her needs before my own wants. Don\’t get me wrong. I am not saying it\’s easy but it is worth it. But what happens when we do get physical. Is it just as bad to go half way instead of all the way? How much does it really hurt us? Is it wrong? Because it is not often does it become okay and because it is no longer a control issue, is it acceptable? Tons of questions. I just don\’t know. It bothers me that I don\’t know.

On some more good notes. My work is good. Basketball has a break. I have the blessing to talk to my buddy from back home. Things are great. God is really blessed me.

One thing I learned spiritually this week that has kinda stuck with my is that my jealousy can really be a cancer in my life. I realize that before it was a struggle when other people were successful and I wasn\’t. It kinda pisses me off alot, but recently I can see how the jealousy really helped no one and made me bitter. God is the only one that deserves and has the right to be jealous. He is the only one that is owed anything. So hard for me not to talk into that trap.

Wow well I was all over the place and really didn\’t cover everything probably but it has just been a challenging week and I have been thoroughly blessed

Rambo