More and More

The more and more that I read Proverbs, the more and more it becomes obvious to me that God did not make thing complicated for us. We are just idiots. That\’s really the bottom line when you just read what he says. The truths are so simple and so plan black and white its stupid. God must be the most frustrated Being in the entire universe. Its like trying to get a year old baby to repeat a simple sentence. We are just idiots. People (me) have constantly asked the questions, what does God want from me?, what is my purpose in life?, how do I become wiser?, and so on and so forth. Any question that has to do with God is in the Bible. Ever answer is there in plain black and white and like a home cooked meal it just sits there waiting for our consumption, yet we sit at the table with our hands in our laps staring. All the while thinking, boy I am hungry, how do I make this pain stop?

Another example, I have this kid that has just come to where I work. From what I have heard he had a brother placed here a while back and this kids acts the same exact way. He is a terror. I don\’t think you really understand. This is the worse 8 year old boy that I have ever come in contact with in my life. He is ridiculous. The first night I was there with him he got up at 530 in the morning and started to eat breakfast. It was all I could do to keep him seated let alone eat his breakfast. I was just trying to keep him occupied. This kid come to find out has a light switch ocd. So ever 3 or 4 minutes or so he would flick on and off the lights. There are about 20 light switches in the living room alone. Ugh. Then after he eats and all the other kids are still sleeping. He decides to start playing a game with me. Its called catch Adam. Its where he decides to run around the entire building while I follow him with a calm face saying, don\’t do that, stop that, and that\’s not how we act here. To no end, my efforts to contain this idiot kid were failed. At this point he starts to get upset and likes the reaction that he is getting out of me and try (and succeeds) to piss me off even more by throwing toys, like he didn\’t get enough enjoyment out of throwing them in general, he thought it more entertaining to start throwing them at me. I caught all of them of course and then my partner called back up. Didn\’t help. This guy came over and just prevoked this little idiot even more. At one point he got a butter knive and chucked it at my head. All the while we are not allowed to give him his meds for another ten minutes. So we trap him in his room. So he decides that he cares not for his room and starts to destroy it. Breaking and slamming doors. The curtain was about ripped down and his garbage can was thrown at me. 20 minutes later he calms down enough for us to be able to get him to take his medication. I thought it would never happen but he was compliant. After about 30 minutes of his meds being in his system he was a normal kid. Well normal compared to 40 minutes earlier. Sometimes I think that\’s how I treat Gods word. Unfortunately we can\’t have the kid on meds constantly. They do wear off and there is some lag time before his next dose but that doesn\’t have to happen with me and God. I can take his medicine as often as I want. The more and more I take the less and less I am an idiot. But yet I don\’t get that. We dont get that. We still treat his word like I don\’t know its power. Like it can\’t help. Like an idiot

Idiots I say. Idiots. I think that I am probably the biggest of them all because of the disease that I carry around with me called worry. Its pretty scary too because I see the Bible call worry disbelief. That\’s scary as shit man! As much as I try to seek after him and read his word then I turn around and think that worrying about my situation will help me at all leads me to question weather or not I really even believe what I read. This was kind of an eye opener to what needs to happen in my life and how not to be an idiot. I didn\’t add Scripture because I can\’t copy and paste the whole Bible in my blog but Proverbs two is what I have been reading. God help me to take my meds. All day long. Help me not to think of them as that nasty cough syrup that makes my body shiver but the kids stuff that tastes like candy. I don\’t want to worry anymore.