Inconsistency the Bitch and Wisdom the Body Guard

Ugh… that\’s how I would describe how I feel right now. I mean my spiritual life is consistent and reading and blogging are up there, but it seems as tho every other facet of my life is controlled by this bitch called inconsistent. My eating habits, the way I spend money, my thought life, etc. Name it and I am probably doing it inconsistently. It is control issue. I have absolutely no control. I feel as though I am losing it more and more each day. But then I also feel as though there are some days that I feel like I am gaining control. I don\’t know, I feel like a teenage girl dealing with drama at school. One day its up, one day its down.

Today wasn\’t actually a bad day at all. I got to talk to C and I hung out with E for a while and played ps3. I have been up for about 24 hrs tho and it is beginning to take a toll on my body. Its a lot harder to guard my mind when I am tired and a lot harder to control my eyes. It really just comes back to consistency. Gaining consistency in my life is extremely hard especially with the job I am in working over night and having a fiance. Sleep pattern is messed up. Awake pattern is messed up and I just can\’t attain routine. Come to think of it I feel as though that may be why I was brought out to ole Nebraska. Since I have been here I have not lived in the same house for more than 3 months. I have had 5 different work situations from handy man to over night to camp counselor. The overnight just screws with me and I can never get into a rythum. Things are always changing. Trainings are always due and I can never get to sleep the same time every day.

Wow I am the bitch too lol. I just reread what I just wrote and I sound like a little girl crying about why the world isn\’t fair to me. I need to man up!

This is kinda unique because this is a multi day blog. I started yesterday and didn\’t finish and now I am up on a Saturday morning at 9 sitting on the toilet :). Brb…. okay this is frickin sweet. I just read Proverbs 2 now these verses hit me like a ton of bricks;

Proverbs 2:12-19 NIV

Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse, who have left the straight paths
to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong
and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked
and who are devious in their ways.

Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman,
from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth
and ignored the covenant she made before God. Surely her house leads down to death
and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return
or attain the paths of life.

Okay now the first times I didn\’t really get the picture but now its kinda clear. I see two different situation. I see a situation with wicked men and the second is with the adulterous woman. Both describe who the people are and how they action and what to look for. I have seen that multiple times just reading through. I always took it for face value. But this time its not the same and I think God intended us to view it this way. He intended us to view wisdom as a person. And I will go one step further and say that I think it is your personal body guard. Literally! Reread this verse and substitute the words wisdom\’s with some player on mortal kombat. Jade. I really feel as like that right now that I am being protected by a body guard. Wisdom is no longer a knowledge that I work hard to attain. Wisdom is now a body guard that I beg God to send to me. Its nothing I can do in my own power but the better I seek him. The more I read his word and the more I learn about him, the better the body guard that he sends. Right now I am at like Paul Blart the mall cop. I want a better body guard. Paul is like there but he still lets the occasional though in my mind or slips in some other area. I want Chuck Norris.

Well I might be going insane but it makes sense in my mind and maybe just not on paper. I really feel like wisdom is alive. It is active and it is literally guarding me from ever obstacle and ever harmful thing in my life. It is awesome. I want God as my real Body guard. God help me to let you guard me from the things that interfere with my relationship with you. Help me to seek after you.