I apparently have none. I have come to the conclusion that even though I think that I am pretty good at some things, I really don\’t think I am as good as I am. It was kinda sparked by a comment that was made that I in some ways feel like is very true about my self and for me to say otherwise would just prove that the statement is even more valid. K\’s dad said that I sell myself short and don\’t give myself enough credit. Also that I could do a whole lot more than I believe that I can. In some ways this pissed me off because I am like, \”what the heck are you talking about no I am not.\” Then when I think of the jobs that I have had and I think of what types of jobs that I am looking for and how even with the company that I am in now, I can do so much more. Yet, I settle for something way less than my potential.
It is not only with my own power tho. With all that God has done in my life and all that he has accomplished through me, I still have such a low view of myself and what I am capable of doing. Better yet, what God is capable of doing through me. I also don\’t think that it is just me that has this problem. I think there are a lot of guys in this world that struggle with believing that they have the power to or that even God has the power to do incredible things through them. I would also be wrong if i stopped at today\’s men. I think I could even relate it back to men in the Bible who lacked the confidence to do great things.
You would think that back then even just having a real back and forth conversation with God would create a sense of confidence in anything. Sometimes I feel like if God spoke directly and audibly to me that I would have no doubts and without hesitation do whatever it is that he commanded me to do. Yet, then i think about all the commands and direct words that are in the Bible that I don\’t consistently follow on a daily basis and wonder if God was sitting next to me if that would make a difference but thats a different blog.
Anyways, back to the confidence thing. It was kinda cool that on the way to work I was thinking about who or what that I wanted to read about tonight at work and God slipped in the name Gideon. So while I was driving I looked up where Gideon\’s account was in the old testament and turned on Judges 6 so I could listen to it on the rest of the way to work. Gideon was like me…. I think anyways. (I am always afraid to take anything out of context because of my lack of knowledge in history of the Bible) Through the rest of the trip into work I made it to chapter 8. I am not going to paste all of what I listened to but only what is relevant to what I am talking about. So, like I was saying before I feel like I am a lot like Gideon when it comes to my perception of my talent and what God can do through me. I believe he can do big things like get me a job, give me enough money, or make me some what of a good husband but I think that I fail to believe that he can go bigger. That he can get me a great job, provide more than enough money and make me a hell of a good husband. Bottom line is that I sell myself short, and by doing that I sell God short. So did Gideon,
Judges 6:7-18 When the Israelites cried out to the LORD because of Midian, 8 he sent them a prophet, who said, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 9 I rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians. And I delivered you from the hand of all your oppressors; I drove them out before you and gave you their land.10 I said to you, ‘I am the LORD your God; do not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you live.’ But you have not listened to me.”
11 The angel of the LORD came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. 12When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.”
13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the LORD has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”
14 The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
16 The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”
17 Gideon replied, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. 18 Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you.”
So you can see that Gideon wasn\’t that confident. He was content where he was at and just didn\’t want any trouble. Its crazy to because as I reevaluate my live and I recall what God has done in my life, so does the Angel of the Lord. He accounts for all the things that God has done for them; “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 9 I rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians. And I delivered you from the hand of all your oppressors; I drove them out before you and gave you their land. Yet, like in my life I still don\’t have confidence in the words of God and choose to do my own thing and stay comfortable like the Israelites.
Now comes Gideon. He is threshing wheat and the angel comes to him and says the Lord is with you mighty warrior. And Gideon is like, HUH?!?! What are you talking about… And then he doubts, saying, you know what if God is with me then why is all this crap happening to us? I thought we were suppose to be going to some party land where everything was going to be great?!??! what about that? No, God has abandon us and left us here to die/killed by the midian army. (prolly a little exaggerated)
Then the angel says go save Israel with the strength you have. Now at this point God has already do miraculous things and then tells Gideon that He is with him, calls him a mighty warrior (which i think if God called me a mighty warrior i would have all the confidence in the world) and then says go save Israel. Now I would think that I would trust God when he says this, but even in my own life I struggle to trust just a day after he has done something crazy. But I fail. I don\’t give Him my full confidence. And neither did Gideon. He makes excuses on why he can\’t save Israel. He says “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” There I am, and there are a lot of other guys too… Its not just inadequacy either. There are alot of things that we make excuses like Gideons so that we avoid failure. We sell ourselves short. Then again does God try and reassure Gideon that he has nothing to worry about. He tells him “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” Now that sounds like a sure fire win. Like stamped with God\’s guarantee. Is that good enough for Gideon? Nope! He needs a sign.
The story goes on and the crazy part to me is how patient God is through this process. If I were in that situation I feel as though I would hit Gideon over the head with a frying pan and say, Idiot, your going to win, I am God, and I am on your side. I guess thats why I am no where near being God. Anyways, Gideon continues to ask for a sign and even after God performs one miracle, Gideon asks for another. Blows my mind but I relate. Thats the sad part, I relate 100%. Time and time again does God prove his power, provision, and the use of me to do things. Then I turn around and ask him for a sign to make sure I am talking to the right God or to make sure he is still there. Or that he hasn\’t lost his power. Silly me.
It reminds me of the Yaconelli book that I read a couple of years ago, and correct me it I am wrong but I believe he was talking about his nephew and said that he was about to jump full on into the hot tub at the hotel before someone stopped him. Not knowing how to swim the fear was not there. Then somewhere along the line as we grow up we lose that mindset and it hinders us from going anywhere. That fear renders us useless to God because we are afraid of what might happen when we jump into uncharted waters.
God help me to skip that doubting phase that Gideon went through. Help me to gain self confidence. Help me to gain confidence in you and help me to lose the fear of failure because like Gideon, you are with me.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 
Well said brotha! Enlarge your vision…even your biggest dream isn't a speck of what God has in-store. Our only limitations on us as humans is in-between our ears!! You are only as big as you will allow yourself to be—if you put it in God's hands and with him (like Gideon didn't do), then you will be as big as God–in HIS plan for you! All the things you talk about will be done–your cup will overflow in many ways if you can accept it–truly put it in God's hands and accept that your \”bloodline\” has in it the most strength, courage, integrity, genuine-ness, will, determination, faith, trust, resilience, etc-etc! You have what it takes—it is already WITHIN YOU…but you have to choose to get past what has bottled it up as well as what holds you back. Love you brotha!! -Ebop
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