Faker Faker Faker

I have failed at posting in the last 3 weeks.  And since I quite my job in May I think that I have only posted twice. I wasn\’t going more than a week for a while. What the heck happened? Why is it so difficult for me to maintain a solid discipline in things that are important and cut out things that waste my fricken time and weight me down. My discipline is extremely poor. My discipline is beyond poor and I feel as tho that this area of my life still lacks a ton of authenticity.

Church and my own reading have time and time come up with some form of discipline for the last while. We are going through proverb in church and my leadership book in my devotional time (when it happens). I think even to my closest friends(brothers) I may seem fairly disciplined and definitely to those that know me less do I seem alot more disciplined.  Truth be told it is an area that I strongly lack in.  My inconsistency in almost every aspect of my life personal points to my subpar discipline.  I think that my strong need to please people and be liked has kept this hidden and ignored in my life and because of my lust in the past, creating good discipline in my life has been pushed aside and made up.

Discipline –

In its original sense, discipline referred to systematic instruction given to a disciples to train them as students in a craft or trade, or to follow a particular code of conduct or \”order\”. Often, the phrase \”to discipline\” carries a negative connotation. This is because enforcement of order –that is, ensuring instructions are carried out –is often regulated through punishment.

The word means basically to train or give instructions to,  for an end result of better knowledge to do what is right or acceptable.

(NIV)Proverbs 5:21-23

For a man\’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. [22] The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his son hold him fast. [23] He will die for lack of discicipline, led astray by his own great folly.

This is kinda scary to me.  It kinda ties into something that a buddy of mine was talking about in his blog. I understand fully that the root of the problem does not start at the actions but actions must not be over looked. Discipline has really come to me in a different light. It is no longer doing everything the right way but actually training my heart (teaching my heart) to love the things that God loves and take pride in the things he takes pride in and value that which he values.  I loved this when I read it the other day.  Poor discipline is not the inability to look away from an attractive jogger and good discipline is not just saying no at dinner to a second helping. In fact good discipline and wisdom go hand in hand.  Good discipline is the understanding that the jogger girl is a child of God and valuable to him and therefore I will treat her as such because I have trained my mind and heart like Christ. It is the heart change that say that I am a child of God and this body of mind is out on loan and it is a temple where God resides.  My heart should be trained to say God deserves the best and that must be what I give him. 

We all want that quick fix.  The visual assurance that we are okay, that measurable attribute but I don\’t think you can here.  It\’s not immediately.  I must not focus on my actions but train my heart.  Its like looking and my muscles ever morning.  Every day when I get up I go to the mirror and flex.  And each morning I wonder why they are the same size as last week. Well with out working out and without the understanding that lifting weights are what makes the change I will continue to stand in front of the mirror with small muscles. I believe that it applies to our everyday life.  In order to be discipline it must start with the knowledge to change the heart.  Teach the heart to seek after things of God. For so long I have just been doing what was \”right\” occasionally. Not training my heart to want what pleases God all the time. 

God I want to be in your presence all the time and not because I am \”doing\” what is right but because you have helped me train myself in your way. Help me to discipline myself and seek wisdom. Welcome back Joel :-).