The Urge

I don\’t know what it is but I like it. It\’s like having to go to the bathroom, lol. I used to have it back in New York and a little bit in VA. I suppose for the first year being in Nebraska, but lately that urge has gone away. It\’s almost like a state of mind or a place that just feels right. Like when you would write the perfect paper for a class and you have so much pride when you hand it in. I love that place. The urge that I have to read, to dig, to wonder what God has to say to me. I have missed that urge over the last few months. Since April really I have not put the time into my relationship with God like I should be. It is so crazy to because it really doesn\’t take much to seek him. It\’s a small ounce of chasing and he gives you that fire that just burns. I am writing on this I guess because I got the urge tonight. It\’s 11 o\’clock and I just got reading my buddy\’s blog and I thought to myself I haven\’t released what has been in my brain for a little while. Part of my said \”oh just wait till tomorrow\”, then this urge that I had forgotten about said, \”you have time now do it\”. Like that urge to pee.

Lately, as in the last couple of days i have been reading a little bit in romans, and listening to acts on the way to work. I have been under a ton of stress lately with work, marriage, family, basketball, money, car and the list goes on. I have been talking to my player and sister about expectations and direction in life yet not really focusing on my self lately. Not in a selfish way but kidda living what i am preaching. It was awesome cuz my buddy\’s previous blog talked about the patriot and how this little girl challenged, well more like told, these guys the were pansies and that they should get off there asses and fight. Well that spoke right to my heart. I have been telling guys to dig in their bible, seek his will, follow him, and trust. What have i been doing? complete opposite! How can i sell a product i don\’t use? Its easy when you will never see the person again but when the players see me every day its different. If i were to die today would they say that i was a God fearing man? That I loved reading my bible? That nothing matter to me more than to trust in him? No, i don\’t think so.

Romans 1:21-23 (NIV)
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. [22] Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools [23] and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

This passage is scary to me. I know that i cant lose my salvation but it shows me glimpses of what happens when i stop reading his word. When i stop seeking after him my thoughts become shifted and blurry. My heart is darkened and i get annoyed easily. I claim to be wise but then make foolish decisions with money or food. I may not worship other images or animals but I worship myself and things. My priorities get messed up and i become that old person.

Give me the right urges God! help me to continue on feeling your pull, something that i cannot ignore. I must seek it out and i must follow it. Help it to be centered around you and nothing or no one else. Give me the urge.

– Rambo