Solved

So I have figured out why I haven\’t been blogging lately. I think after contemplating and starting and restarting this next blog over and over again I finally realize why I haven\’t been able to finish or think of anything to write. I thought back to why I had this blog in the first place and realized that it was a reflection of what I have been learning spiritually. So i though wow i am not learning anything spiritually i must just be having an off month or so. Then i thought well why wouldnt i be learning anything? Possible solutions, one not reading, two reading, three not reading. Wahlah!!! THATS IT!! Dumbass! I have not been reading at all. In my mind i thought to my self that i was doing enough. That my mediocre to zero time in the word was enough to help me grow. Not! I have been floating along in this plateau of mediocrity. No wonder i haven\’t blogged in a long time. I haven\’t learned anything in a long time.

Thats so scary to say. Such a reality that i just postponed facing. I haven\’t been reading. I have been looking at words on a page. Not reading with the intent to change my life. I might as well just read the news paper. I think it really got to me after thinking about this weekends trip and how even after the trip i was unable to blog. It takes not just a meeting with guys to grow spiritually but combined with the life changing words of God. I realize that now. Its not a lack of time that has kept me off my blog but a lack of God\’s word. The bigger reality is that i am suppose to be leading a family now. I have a wife to lead spiritually and if i am not growing then the same must be for her. That is disastrous.

1 Thessalonians 2:1-9 (NIV)
You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure. [2] We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition. [3] For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. [4] On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. [5] You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. [6] We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, [7] but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. [8] We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. [9] Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.

This is Paul\’s ministry! This is our ministry! He is speaking right to what we as brother want to accomplish. It was done before. Paul did it this way. Paul did it God\’s way! And i cant wait to do it again. If you read through this passage it is amazing how well it lines up with the church that we want to start. I don\’t know maybe i am taking it out of context but when i read through it i see AUTHENTICITY, COMMUNITY, LOVE, CARE, BROTHERHOOD. We arent looking for the praise of men, if they don\’t like it, get out. We are not using flattery, or trickery, we are telling it like it is. God will test our hearts. I don\’t know about you but it sure seems like a mission statement right from the Bible.

My trip to West Virginia was amazing. But it also kicked my ass. I suck, i am selfish and frickin arrogance. I really don\’t know how people stand being around me sometimes. I feel like i have fallen of the map and my marriage has detracted me from what really matters and that is the word of God. Not just reading it but letting it change who i am as a person and letting my change affect the people that are close to me. I am a sucky friend. So many thing cloud progress in my life and its time to start doing some trimming. God please help me cut back the hair that has grown long enough to block my vision. Help me to get life change from your word and mature in ways that you would have me so that i can be used by your hand to do awesome things.

– Rambo