Distant

I feel so far off the mark. My daily walk with Christ has been me walking in one direction and God in the other. I am not following or attempting to follow. I have lost the urge to go to church and therefore am not leading my wife in the right direction. I dont make it a priority to read the bible with my wife so when it gets late at night i purposely dont bring it up because i dont want to read. I feel distant from God and therefore i feel distant from my wife. This is the most awful feeling in the world. I hate being distant for God and now the love of my life. I hate the thoughts of insecurity and doubt. I hope that this is just a season.

O Lord, you have psearched me and known me!

2 You qknow when I sit down and when I rise up;

you rdiscern my thoughts from afar.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, syou know it altogether.

5 You them me in, behind and before,

and ulay your hand upon me.

6 vSuch knowledge is wtoo wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 xWhere shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where yshall I flee from your presence?

8 zIf I ascend to heaven, you are there!

aIf I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 even there your hand shall blead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

This passage deals with this distance that i have been feeling. I feel the distant but the crazy thing is that God doesnt feel that distance. He doesnt feel that distance. It is a crazy concept that i dont think i will ever get my head around. Its like me falling into quick sand and i begin to panic and scream and swing my arms around. I am so focus on the here and now that i am over whelmed when God is standing right behind me, waiting for me to surrender and listen to him call my name. He\’ got a rope, all i need to do is grab on.

I dont think i realize just how small i am in the grand scheme of things and i regard my self way too high. I am a servant. Nothing more than a vessel to do the work of God. Where do i come up with the idea that i deserve something from God, or that he owes me something. Unbelievably selfish am i…help me to get off my high horse and serve.

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