It\'s About Me

Don’t worry this is not a rebellious mind set and I am not walking away from Christianity or following God. This is simple the realization that this is how I am living. I am king at justifying to myself. I can beat myself every time. Either I am just that good or a dumbass that has no conviction or control what so ever. I think the later paints the better picture. It is not just with purity but with, it seems every aspect of my life. I cannot control what I want. I usually get it. It is not always bad but it leads to other things that are just rotten. For example, I traded my Wii system in to Gamers for an Xbox connect. The xbox is amazing and at the time I really wanted it but spent a lot of time driving around to find the best deal and trying not to spend any of my money. Like I said before not all bad things but this thought of selling my Wii consumed my thoughts for at least 3 days until I sold it. I am not talking like a thought here and there. I was CONSUMED. Like catching a big bass or playing basketball, I am thinking about nothing else. It consumed me.

My question is why can I not stay consumed by Him? This feeling of overwhelming consuming eludes me. The feeling that I get about earthly things I cannot seem to grasp. Is it because God’s perfectness is unattainable? Or is it because I have already attained it through Christ that I no longer need to attempt it? It seems like I am in between a rock and a hard place. I either cannot attain perfection or already have it through Christ. So the question know becomes is my view of this the one God has? I believe the answer is no. If I have learned anything from my walk with Christ it is that my views, options, and wants are more often far off of what God’s plan is. He continues to amaze me with his system and every time I attempt to contain him he frustrates me. It is almost like my stupid cat. They are unexplainable creature. They have a mind of their own. A dog can be trained. A cat does whatever the frick they want. You can’t control them. It’s time that stop trying to control him and let him control me.

Then it brings me back to that same question…how can I be consumed by him? How do I make my desires the same as his desires? Does my personality put me at a disadvantage? Can I change who I am?

This is not a controllable God. The thing that jumps out at me the most is that nowhere in this passage did God use his hands. How boss is that. Not one time did it say that he will wipe out the forest with his fist. He did everything with his voice. (I also looked up the Cedars of Lebanon thing too. It was like the most prized wood back then. They would use that stuff for like building palaces and temple.) I need to be consumed by discovery. There is very little that I know about God. He is mysterious. That mystery needs to push me to be consumed by him. He is power, mighty, amazing, and uncontrollable. That’s what makes him God and me not.