Grown Men Cry (well at least I do)

I find it to be incredible what God does in a persons life. How many paths, turns, and outcomes that there can truly be. I got teary eyed a couple times in the last week. Maybe I am just a big baby and dont know how to express sadness in any other way or maybe I am normal. Last week it was cuz I had to face the truth of not being able to support a close brother. I had to make that dreaded call and tell him that I wasnt going to be able to make it to his wedding. (why the hell am I in Nebraska) Ahh…that frustrates me sometimes but i know that God is doing crazy cool things. Second time was this morning. I was reading a buddy\’s blog and it was about what i will be remembered by. I commented then proceeded to my blog and noticed I had a comment. I dont know if it was timing or what but for a split second i had the feeling of worth again. Not just the approval of man but that exact reflection of Christ and how he feels about me. I spent way to long away.

Luke 15:11-32

¹¹Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹²The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

¹³“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.¹⁶He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

¹⁷“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

As I wrote the top part of this bog I realized that my story and actions mimicked a very familiar story in the bible. Often times over used but I think this is my first time so I am good. Reading this over and over what sticks out the most is that I did this. I took what I thought was mine and continued on this path of what I thought would fill this gaping hole of dissatisfaction. People say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, well I was rocked. I don\’t know about my wife but I got my ass kicked spiritually. I thought like this arrogant kid that i could handle myself. Sadly mistaken.

First, I ran away. Tried to fulfill selfish desires and my own wants and needs while making everyone else around me feel like i was looking out for them. Especially my wife. I need to start putting other things way ahead of my wife. I need to stop serving myself and thinking that I deserve. Secondly, I am pretty sure these grown men were crying. It says they were filled with compassion, but i am pretty sure that it should have said balling with tears. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I am ready to fight again. I am ready to hit back. I have the streets mentality. I am worth it, welcomed home, and i know that more clearly now.Thanks CG.

Grown Men Cry (well at least I do)

Luke 15:11-32

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