Unpleasantness

Posted bySon, Father, BrotherPosted inUncategorized

I am not sure if this will turn into anything spiritual or not but I just have a thought in my head that I want to put down. Lately (last two days) at work I have because very unpleasant in my mind. I feel like a dick because there are people that are close to me that are in worse positions than I am in. I am such a frickin grump. It is like I am annoyed with everyone and everything. People in my office are driving me nuts. Two of the other guys that I work with jump into every conversation that is out there. I am just not in the mood at all to deal with anyone. I am constantly overlooked at this school and just here as the token black guy that builds a gap between the minority students and faculty. I am sick of being apart of this complainy, unorganized, communication incompetent group of people. Its like everyone and their mother blame everyone else for faults or failures. No one takes responsibility for there own shit. AHHH…I am ready to be done with this already. Now look at who is the complaining piece of crap.

I just went home for lunch and started reading the bible. This is a rare occuenrce because I am about a once a week reader. Honestly I think I am too busy to engage in what God has to say. I am content with just having him when I need him. (garbage) I am ridiculous with what I expect and what I do. Sorry for who ever reads this but I am crazy. I was reading Lamentations and this writer is actually sounding a whole lot like me. The reason I was in lamentations is because I have this bible that goes through out the year in chronalogical order. Well our church is actually doing the bible in a year and me, I just read what ever day I feel like I have time. (garbage) Well august 30th is Lamentations 3-5.
Basically the reading starts out with Jeremiah complaining…well telling about what is going wrong and how God is pissed and not doing anything about it. How he is pouring out his wrath and how Jeremiah is becoming afflicted. Basically he is complaining about how he to the end of his rope. \”so i say, \’My splendor is gone and all I hoped from the LORD\’\”. Now I am not an expert but I am pretty sure this is a man that is defeated. Then the mind battle ensues. He goes on and says

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
    while he is young.
That to me is just a comforting picture of what my life is right now. I feel this battle back and forth in my mind. I feel so inadequate at my work. I have this feeling of not knowing anything and that I am out of my league. I play video games instead of reading and learning. I feel like a poser or a fraud. I don’t belong here. How did I get this job in the first place? I have none of the expertise to do this job. Yet he is faithful to provide all that I need.  
Lord, give me confidence. I have nothing and you have everything.  I am blessed beyond believe. Help me to no longer hold this discontent in my heart. I don’t want to be my grumpy self any longer.

2 thoughts on “Unpleasantness”

  2. Read the line \”I am content with just having him when I need him\”. I think I was much the same way in my past location. Now I need him constantly… BAD. Maybe thats why He's causing this in my life…

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