I wrote this last week but forgot to post it.
So basically I only have 20mins before practice but I figured that I would write as much about this as I could before I had to leave. I would have started earlier but I of course was distracted. Depression is something that I really never thought I was capable of feeling. I am not saying I am clinically depressed but there is a part of me that feels like I am on my way there or at least feeling like it. I am constantly battling back and forth with sin in my life like Paul in Romans 7.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
This is a reality in my own mind almost on a daily basis. I think that I might have even blogged about this a few times before. I am distracted all the time and today I spent an hour in my house laying on the couch not wanting to move. The best way I can describe it is a lack of purpose. This is nothing that is anyone’s fault but my own. I don’t read my bible. I need to start. I need to start before I go off the deep end where I spend days in my bed like the people on those depression commercials.
After getting over the frustrations with my wife about our differences and stepping up to lead our family spiritually I forgot that I need to still work on my own self. I still need God’s word out side of our marriage. Not just in it. Our devotion for this week is how can I love my spouse in a way that she has never been loved before… I don’t know what that means yet.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 