Eh…

Stuck in space and time. I have so much on my plate and no motivation to do any of it. Katie found out that I struggled while we were married. History was left on my phone and then showed up as i was not paying attention to it. Needless to say the 3-4 days after that was not pleasant but my purity has taken a turn for the better. Not sure what this will do in the long run, she is a warrior thats for sure.  My spiritual life is none existent. I honestly don\’t know the last time that I read my bible. It seems like i have tried to rely on others for my spiritual strength instead of seeking it for myself. I am pure but yet i feel like crap still. Am i really that lost right now? There is a void I feel. It is the void of Christ. He is not there. He is hidden from my sight. I have been standing in front of a mirror admiring myself. Giving my self what it wants. Then when i need something i cant get for myself, or i try and fill the void with emptiness i then choose to call on a figure that i claim to believe in. This is where i really question do i believe. I don\’t know if i really believe. Or maybe i have been stuck in this fakeness of an office so long that i am beginning to feel like a fake Christian. I say the right things but on the inside i am rotten. I am lost, confused, angry, and scared. The devil has a hold on my mind. He is suffocating my spirit, my motivation, my courage. My thoughts are all over the place…bad and awful. I sound pitiful. This is a plea for sympathy. (pathetic) The bible is where i belong. no more fake, no more hidden, no more pissing down my leg. A change it going to come.