Venting

This R4G book has got me in the mood of venting how i feel with no regard for what other think. I like it in a way but can also get dangerous.

I feel this over whelming sense of power. Its almost like the feeling you get when you take an energy pill. For about 20 minutes you feel like you have the strength of ten men and you just want to jump out of your body and flip out. This is like in a spiritual sense tho. I feel like running through my office build and screaming in every other room…FAKER! I want to cast a ridiculous amount of judgement to everyone in ear shot. It seems like this appearance of perfection with a foundation of mediocrity. In a way is sickening. Literally i feel queezy in my stomach when words come out of mouths.

The complexity that man puts on Christianity is disturbing. James has really hit me hard with what i am getting out of it. I dont have to dig very far to reach what he is trying to tell me. The simplicity is apparent in this passage and why do we need to get more complicated. God didnt make it hard.

James 1:5 – If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you

To me this is crazy because nothing needs to be chopped up, fried, and covered in sauce. Not assuming everyone takes a complex approach but God doesnt always hide meaning. I like this verse alot. If you lack, ask. It is that simple. And it gets even more simple for those that say, \”well he wont give because i am rotten\”. God gives generously \”without finding fault\”. To me its like a player of mine that i have and even myself in some ways. No matter how many times people screw me, its hard for me to say NO. I am a people pleaser to the core. I am there most of the time and will say yes the same number of times. The difference between myself and God (alot) is that he will always be there. He will always say yes.

I am better, not because of me, but because of God. I cannot have victory by my own power. It has to be God. It has to be his power. His will. I know he loves me in spite of my faults. I deserve death but have been given life. Praying for my fellow fighters.