I have spent a long time away from this blog of mine. It has nothing to do with time, because i have had all the time in the world to be able to record what I have been learning in my walk with God. The truth is there really hasn’t been much of a walk with Christ until lately. The devil knows how to get me and God knows what consequence hit the hardest. See things happening around and without me sucks and with no relationship with him the guilt just seemed to pile on big time. I have been reading proverbs and Romans consistently for the last two months and this last week I have final made steps to stopping the sin in my life. It is never a quick fix but a long, hard, uphill, no end in sight, battle. It has never really dawned on me till this moment.
I have been reading Romans 1 and Proverbs 9. I don’t know any other reason besides the fact that both chapter scare the crap out of me. I felt like I would read the two chapters I knew that scared me the last time I needed it.
This was the exact type of battle I faced back 4 or 5 years ago. I was questioning whether or not I mattered. I felt alone and hopeless, having weird thoughts about anything that my mind would entertain. The feeling I feel now is not a gut one day feeling. By no means do I feel as…Okay so I was about to say “by no means do I feel as though I am back close to God again.” Then a thought ran through my head. I am always close to God. Even when I feel I am far away he is so close to me.
When I was younger like 8 or 9 years old I was fast. Like I could run like no other. I had won a few ribbons in the field day events at school and at this point started to gain some confidence as a young boy. Having nothing to compare it to I thought I was the fastest in the world (my world). I remember it vividly. We were walking out of a department store, I turned to my dad and said words I can still hear, “bet you can’t catch me”. I took off like I had never run before. Not even 5 steps and I was no longer touching the ground, and a little bit of pee leaked from me as my dad not only caught me but lifted me in the air.
This picture is real in our relationships with God. We attempt to run so far from him as fast as we can but all the while he is right there. “Bet you can’t catch me” is a phrase I feel as though God hears everyday all day. I wonder if he ever gets sick of playing tag. I know I am.
Romans 1 from verse 18 to verse 32, basically the end of that chapter is dedicated to Paul explaining the wrath of God towards the sinful humanity that has come about. People are breaking all kinds of commandments, gaying each other, taking other gods before Him. This is where I think God gets sick of playing tag. For many chapters all over the bible God catches his people and turns them back to him. Then finally he gets so pissed that he is like fine I quit, they then fall off a cliff and realize that he has been there all along trying to help. They never realize it until it’s too late.
I am thankful that it has never gotten to the point of “too late”. Keep me in check God. Don’t quite playing tag with me.
Hopefully I don’t look back at this in a few years and wonder what the heck was I talking about.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 