I fish. I fish a lot. Probably the single most enjoyable thing in the world to me is when I am on my boat with not a single care in the world. Most people that fish wait for fish to come to them. I hunt them. Sometimes I put myself (as crazy as it sound) in a fish’s body and visualized where I would hide. I look for sign such as, brush piles, fallen trees, rocks that are out of place, and even old tires. Anything can be a home for a fish. I stalk them. Put my artificial bait within striking range and wait for the result. It’s hard you are out there on the lake by yourself not to end up trying to talk to God, so most of the time that is what I do. I use that time to try and discover more about me and more about the creator. I came across something extremely disturbing in my life yesterday in the boat.
I often pray for fish. Odd? I think not… I know men that pray for deer, I know women that pray for kids. I pray for bass. Lately my life has been a mess. I don’t read the bible…I sin on a nightly basis…I cussed at my wife multiple times in an argument last week and ripped her apart, I am owned by my possessions and I am lazy. Which brings me to my disturbing thought… I was in the boat and began to say the pray “God let me catch a crap load of fish today” Will you let me catch a few. In mid-sentence I stop and said to myself, “I don’t deserve to pray and ask anything from God right now”. Then immediately I said, “But he has forgiven you already”. You know the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other? That was me.
I don’t know how to break this molded thought process that says when I do bad things, bad things happen to me. And when I am good, good things will happen. This is so opposite from the truth. Yet I cannot live that out in my life. Shame and guilt are the two sharpest tools that the devil has in his box.
The funnier part is that after I had that conversation with God and myself I had 35 fish in the boat by the time I left. I wonder so many things about him. I wonder if the fish biting have anything to do with him. I wish I were in heaven now because I am messing this life up royal. Knowing Christ is like torture. There is joy but all my aching heart feels now is pain.
Romans 7
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
I honestly did not think that I was going to put any scripture and it feel less clique then I original thought it would. I am stuck in this verse. It is the story of my life. I forget easily that others picture perfect lives have this hidden underneath. I am not alone in this battle. Every other follower of Christ bears a cross, has sin, and is failing. I have to remember that I am forgiven and that I can ask him to help me catch fish!
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 
I'm annoyed. I read this like 2-3 days ago and I thought I responded. I was using my new iPhone though, which I haven't totally figured out. In short, I basically said that I can't wait until you get a little closer. I said that we all suck and that's why we need constant attention from God first, and brothers second. And I think I told you that you should hunt God and your wife like you would hunt a river monster, something like that. Hang in there. I'm looking forward to seeing you and climbing a mountain with you and the guys in a little over a month. I think you're going, right? I'll send you a couple pics. One from the top of the mountain (Donaldson) and another that reminded Scott and I of your family. See you soon man
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