Dark Hands

Father change my thinking. I know this is a painful process because with change comes humility. It is a false pain though. It is just a pain to my ego. You will keep norm away from me. I long to here well done but it is not because I care enough about your will. I care only about me. Purge this selfishness in me that I may forget myself. 

Father why is this road so narrow? why is this walk so hard? Why do I believe that it is not worth it? Beaten down and left for dead. No light around me. Maybe Just blinded by the folded cloth. How much more can my heart endure? I ask in my loudest voice like talking on the phone in ones car. Why am I alone? The selfish need to have the light on. Father, you do your best work when it is the darkest. In my darkest hour you are the most prepared. You are ready to pick me up if only I would call out. Instead I try hopelessly on my own to flip on the lights which lets the evil depart like cockroaches. When I interfere the roaches live to fight another day. They force another battle. If only I were content in the darkness. It seems to reason that if me heavenly father does his best work in the most darkest of times that I should be at the height of comfort in those same moments. 

To find more contentment in faith. Find joy in the mystery of not knowing. Delight in the seemly recklessness of Gods provision. Seeking to understand not to do better but to grow deeper in the darkness of a purely faithful life. The complete knowledge of ignorance.

It takes an incredible amount of knowledge to understand the vastness of our ignorance – Thomas Sowell

The most complete and total faith is like the deepest most dark place you can find yourself. The best darkness you can find is the deepest, most unshakable faith you can experience. Faith is the right kind of darkness, a willingness to submit. To close your eyes in the face of certain ruin. To keep in the bottomless pit of the fathers arms. There is no light in his refuge. If not in his protective darkness, the intense light his glory would destroy us. The stars are the tiny reminders that he is still there in the midst of that darkness. We can either willingly take refuge in his dark protection on he can let the world drive us there.