Risk

These three words are very powerful and produce strong feelings in me. When I think of risk I often think of danger. If we are honest, danger comes in a great many forms. We have danger to our lives. Danger to our ego’s. Danger to our reputation. Danger to those who we love. So many pieces of literature has been written on love. This world is much like a slippery fish. Immensely hard to grasp but when it is grasped it will only give us a small picture of how a fish really exists. Trust in my own life is one of those things that most often is misused, manipulated and misunderstood. The way we use trust these days has stripped this word of any significant meaning.

This thought in my head started with risk. It came about over lunch in HuHot with a colleague. The experience in the restaurant was quite profound in my position because it gave an understanding explanation of the instinctive aversion to a relationship with my earthly father. 

From the earliest I can remember my father had a no risk relationship with food. From my perspective as a child to my observations of as a grown man my father, took no risks when it came to food. He would nor risk time, money or feelings when it came to eating. Many times we would leave a restaurant if food was not served within a subjective time frame deemed too long or prejudice. Seated next to a bathroom, kitchen, or door was simply a personal attack to his ego and would not be tolerated. Heaven forbid that he notice or see anyone making or serving the food do something unsanitary. This constituted immediate complaint and in most cases the dinner would be ruined and also the rest of the day. Lest you think that this happened only whilst only in a restaurant I should clarify that this was a regular occurrence in our “home”. If my mom create a resume, cook or chief would certainly been listed at the bottom, far below any other motherly duty or wifely task. Many of her meals ended up on the wall or in the garbage for any number of reasons. Too cold, too hot, no taste, too much taste, not fast enough, too fast. A complete subjective opinion based assessment based on no predictable facts. Largely inconsistent, therefore completely personally justifiable to anyone who thought of challanging. Just preference to the highest degree.

Before you assume that this is merely a venting of my adolescent annoyances, I will now paint the picture of the detriment of the lack of risk. Using just the example in food, I attempt to show the the losses gained by choosing self. One of my mayor loses that I have observed has been in my own life. I literally have no clue how to be critical of food, or make a decision in a more objective way. My judgements on food have been cauterized by the extreme over arbitrary analysis in which I grew up. Never have I wanted to inflict the pain on those that prepare food for me that I saw my Father inflicted on those who unfortunately entered his path. My brother is now a chief and a damn good one. I cringe to think of the losses that both my father and my brother reap every day that my father is not willing to risk adventure in food.  Secondly, the lack of risk transfer to me in a way that even now I unconsciously refuse to try new things with an air of close minded arrogance that often times may hurt those who attempt to expand my mind.

Family effects are a bit more difficult because I don’t know the negative that was transposed on to brother or sister. I can only imagine the memories that could have been made if we stayed in those many restaurants, and the many family meals we never talked during because my brother, sister and I were relegated to the dining room while my parents watched tv not 20 feet away. Why we were never allowed to eat within the realm of the holy. My earthly father risked the intimate development of relationship with his wife and children to gain uninterrupted television and entertainment while eating. Writing this is account of my father and his aversion to risk is out right challenging to my assessment of my own behavior. A influential author to me, Thomas Sowell, once said, “There are no absolutes, only tradeoff’s”. Much like what I am talking about now In every situation we face in life we risk and the reward is what we desire in the moment. If we are not diligent in this process then we risk allowing subconscious sin, bias and assumption to lead us in our choices. If this happens the trade of is bound to be incredibly less likely to work in our favor and the well being of those in relationship with us.

The previous ramblings is the evidence in which I use to back up my theory “that risk plays a significant role in the strength and health of one’s relationships. Risk plays such a major role that it is found in almost every aspect of our relationships. This risk is both seen and unseen. It is imperative that the risk is seen in a majority of the relationship to build the foundation for the unseen risk in the relationship later on. this risk must also be seen periodically to re-enforce the foundation. The risk exhibited is not necessarily major risk. A strong relationship sees minor consistent risk on a regular basis. This is something all too fragile in a parent child relationship because the bond of the relationship is assumed risk that if found to be false can have devastating consequences to the relationship. This has been a major revelation in my life recently. The profound lack of risk taken in my relationship with my dad has had a severe­ly negative impact on my ability to trust and love Him. I fear if we attempt to gain trust and love purely upon merit, we will all fall short. Risk has nothing to do with merit. Risk has everything to do with potential loss, unpleasantness, or unwelcome and unfortunate consequences. Risk is not about outcome but it is about action. 

The question remains in my mind, how does one have a meaningful relationship with his father when the father is willing to risk little to nothing of himself? Is that reason enough to walk away? Can we judge a relationship purely on the risk involved, or is there more? I don’t know the answer to that question. I pray there is more. Maybe the answer is that Jesus already risked it all. All that was ever needed so that all one must do is risk for him. Risk ego, reputation, life, and death for Him and Him alone.