Please Stay

When a man is in the valley, knowing how to be there for him is hard. Only someone that has incredible restraint can help. The help is not what we think. The temptation to fix or comfort is so strong that it will make even the most loving person act in ways that push deeper into the valley. The closer the relationship, the more restraint is required. 

I am not much for kids’ books. I get bored quickly and replace certain words with immature words like fart and poop. My children love when I do this; they laugh at every sentence, even if it is not funny. However, there are books I want to keep the same. The Rabbit Listened is one of those books. 

The Rabbit Listen is about a boy who builds a block tower. After some time, the blocks are knocked down by a flock of birds. Many animals notice the boy’s situation and offer their assistance. Each one comes with a new solution. They suggest the boy talk about it, scream, hide, take revenge, and more: all but the rabbit. 

The rabbit is the last to arrive after all the other animals have left. Almost unnoticed because of its meekness, the rabbit sits beside the boy. No words, just presence. The rabbit sits in complete silence. Time passes, and the boy says, “Please stay with me.” The boy begins doing all the other things. Screaming, laughing, and crying. The book ends with the boy making a new plan to build, and the line, “sometimes hugs say more than words.”

If you are like me, hugs are not my favorite. They are especially not my favorite when I am sad or upset. Hugs, when upset, are like being in a straight jacket while chased by a lion. All I want to do is run, but I am trapped. Which way would I like to die? Suffocation or a good mauling. I know this is not reality, but the feeling is real in the heat of the moment. I am going to die. 

I don’t need a hug. Proximity is the answer. We are facing the issue, back to back or shoulder to shoulder. Like a good friend, no communication is needed. Just eye contact and understanding. The realization that nothing is required other than time. 

Where did we get the idea that we must help, minimize, or fix each other’s hardships? There is a time in which fixing is needed, and typically it is in an emergency. Most of the troubles we walk through are not emergencies. The problems and difficulties are kin to our towers being knocked down. 

We build towers every day, and without fail, our towers will eventually be knocked down. It is just part of being a human. The situations are nothing new. They are the same valleys that we have been walking through for years. We already know the way out. We just need the comfort of knowing in the midst, we are not alone. 

How do I do this for those around me? How can others do this for me? It is awareness and discernment. Just sit by me. I don’t care if you are on your phone. Lay your head on my lap (only if you’re my wife). Let your shoulder touch my shoulder or your back against my back. Be the comfy hoodie on a rainy fall day. 

There are older folks that talk about their relationship with God this way. His presence is palpable. He is by their side. I want to have the awareness to notice that in the valley. He is always there. He has never left. He always listens. When the pain distracts me, I am surrounded by trouble and difficulty deep in the valley. All the things I want to say to God now are summed up in two words. Please Stay!