There is an angst that plagues every situation provoking an over reaction. I cannot control my responses when shame and guilt cloud my mind. The trivial things amplify to a deafening volume.
How do you quiet the voices in your head? How do you explain to others the noise? Can you write your way to clarity? What does it feel like when you are good? Is it time that gives you peace? The challenge is returning to homeostasis.
I must remember circumstances do not determine when things are good. If God does not change, it is always good because He is good. It can be unbearable when I am hit with the unpredictability of life. It is absurd for me to believe that everything should follow what I expect in my head. Most people are unaware of what I expect. I would also assume that no one cares and they would be in the right.
I am not the center of others’ universe, and I shouldn’t be the center of my own. Sometimes I would just like to be left alone. Not to have self-pity but to think. If given time and space to think, I can usually make it back out of the pit. The deeper the pit, the longer the time. No one ever seems to give me the time needed. Maybe that is my excuse. Perhaps I would rather stay in the pit a while longer.
I know this pit. It is familiar to me. I have spent plenty of time there and have gotten used to the smells and darkness. Weirdly, I am comfortable there. Most people would be frightened if they spent any time in this place, but it is the evil I know.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 