Minimums

This is the sermon I preached Mothers Day 2024:

There are a few things in my life that I absolutely detest. I will spare you the knowledge of most of them right now, but I feel it is important to tell you about one. Massages. You know, like being rubbed or touched in a way that is intended for me to feel better. However, the few times I have tried, this is not the result I experienced. I do not mind being the giver of the massage. (only to my wife), But I abhor receiving them. (even from my wife) Uncomfortable, confusing, and awkward in the weirdest way. 

I tell you this because I want to empathize with you. With the feeling or feelings you are about to have. Awkward, sweaty, uncomfortable, and confusing. I think it is in my and your best interest to let you know upfront that I will break all the rules associated with Mother’s Day. And I will probably dip into some other rules that are typically off-limits for men. I am doing this for what I believe is a good reason. 

I intend to give Mother’s Day a painfully deep massage to break up the calluses we have developed over the years of blindly honoring our women, wives, and mothers.My goal today is not to tear down Mother’s Day. However, I would like us to re-evaluate what we celebrate when we celebrate mothers. I hope that if we can endure all of the awkward, uncomfortable pressure, the reward will be more confidence, freedom, and increased mobility.

I know that everyone probably doesn’t have a specific favorite category called economist. However, believe it or not, I do. His name is Thomas Sowell. He says, “Some things are believed because they are demonstrably true, but many other things are believed simply because they have been asserted repeatedly and repetition has been accepted as a substitute for evidence.”

There have been many different forms of honoring mothers throughout history. The one that we tend to observe today is the result of one created by Anna Jarvis.

“Anna Jarvis of Philadelphia, whose mother had organized women’s groups to promote friendship and health, originated Mother’s Day. On May 12, 1907, she held a memorial service at her late mother’s church in Grafton, West Virginia. Within five years virtually every state was observing the day, and in 1914 U.S. Pres.Woodrow Wilson made it a national holiday. Although Jarvis had promoted the wearing of a white carnation as a tribute to one’s mother, the custom developed of wearing a red or pink carnation to represent a living mother or a white carnation for a mother who was deceased. Over time the day was expanded to include others, such as grandmothers and aunts, who played mothering roles. What had originally been primarily a day of honor became associated with the sending of cards and the giving of gifts, however, and, in protest against its commercialization, Jarvis spent the last years of her life trying to abolish the holiday she had brought into being.” – Britannica.

We have so much information bombarding us daily that it has become easier than ever to be fooled by counterfeit substitutes. We have been so afraid of false teachers inside the church that we fail to remember that we are not only taught in church. Social media and the things we watch have taught us partial truths about women, wives, and mothers. They have given us a picture of an unbiblical ideal. 

Do we believe what society says about mothers, or do we believe in scripture’s teaching? How confident are you in your ability to discern the difference?

Over the last five years, I have learned more about responsibility. This is a scary word when you are forced to look it squarely in the face. It is incredibly intimidating. It happens to be the most life-changing and profound word that I have come to know. 

A few years back, it was my wife’s least favorite word for a while because I handed it out like cookies at a bake sale. I have painfully bumped the edges of this, and I think I have realized that it might be one of the most valuable understandings after the good news of Jesus. 

The definition of  Responsibility 

• The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.
• The opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.

Okay, so here is the focus for the lens. Responsibility is not concerned with ability or perfection. It does not care about value or worthiness. Responsibility does not judge or compare.

Responsibility is simply something you are given, receive, take, or reject. Our understanding of responsibility shapes every aspect of our lives with uncomfortable regularity. And when we feel frustrated, there is a good chance responsibility plays some sort of role. So, this morning, we will look at mothers and the gospel through the eyes of responsibility. 

Take a moment silently and try to answer this question: What is a mother? It turns out this is probably the easiest and hardest question I have tried to answer. We could all probably point out who is not. For instance, I am not. However, when it comes to drawing a line for who is a mother, I find my paper is filled with eraser marks. 

The struggle in a message like this is to exalt motherhood to the highest position I can, which is its proper place. However, it often feels like when I do, I am diminishing all those who aren’t or can’t. The more I strive to honor my wife as a mother, the more I find that separating these three as distinct diminishes each one individually. I believe we can lift all three up higher together than we can each one by itself. It does not seem like it can be an either-or. I believe it must be both- and.

If you are a female, grab hold tightly to these three demonstrably true things. You are a woman by God…you are a wife by Gift…you are a mother by Grace. 

So, let me explain why this is important. To separate “woman” from “mother” is a blatant attack on the mother and wife. It is an attack on God’s design. Suppose it is no longer important for a mother to be female; then you have erased motherhood. What if it is no longer important for a wife to be female? You have destroyed marriage. And if it is no longer important for a mother to be a wife, then you have begun to cause families to crumble. 

We see this today, and the half-hearted way that we seek to appreciate mothers based on only their merit encourages this separation. Everything we see that is outside of God’s design and order is a result of the sinful world that we live in. Now let me be clear: I do not mean that if you are single or childless, you have sinned. I mean that we have brokenness in the world because of the fall. 

It points us to the need for a savior. It points us to the redemptive work on the cross. 

So, let us unpack these three foundational truths.

1. First – You are a Woman by God

Genesis 2:18-24

^“18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ¹⁹ Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman.

A couple of points from this scripture.

• First, this proves the equality of men and women.
• Second, you are made from the hand of God.
• Third, you are made in the image of God.

This is God’s design—his design of woman. The responsibility of creating you as a woman belongs to God. He makes no mistakes. Paul quotes Isaiah when he wrote the letter to the church in Rome. It speaks to the responsibility. 

Romans 9:20-21 – But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, “Why did You make me like this?” Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?

You are a woman by God. Everything after this depends on whether you accept this to be true. A woman is absolutely foundational to wives and mothers. You cannot have a wife or mother without the woman.

1. You are a Wife by Gift

So, I had this funny thought a while back. What was Adam doing in the garden to cause God to look at him and say, O, it is not good for man to be alone. All of you females have a first-hand look at the same dilemma that God did. We men have been known to do some unwise things, right? 

• “I am pretty sure I can lift that.” Followed by the next three weeks experienced bent over and moving at half speed. 
• “No honey, I don’t need to stop and ask for directions.

Undoubtedly, there is a good reason that wisdom is referred to as female. If God had created a female first, there is a good chance he would have just said, eh, she’ll be all right. 

Let’s continue in Genesis

²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman. and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said, 

“This, at last, is bone of my bones 

and flesh of my flesh; 

she shall be called Woman 

because she was taken out of Man.” 

²⁴ Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

Again, we see that this is God’s design. We see who is responsible. God brought her to the man. One morning as I was reading through Proverbs and came across this verse. This message was created

Proverbs 18:22 – He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

This is the minimum. A wife = a Good thing. It doesn’t say that he who finds a good wife finds a good thing. Silver, gold and jewels just are. You cannot manufacture them. They were created. Still not convinced? Then, I would present this question. Is God in the habit of giving bad gifts?

This is a challenge to myself and all husbands. If I have been given a Lamborghini, and I drive it no faster than 30 miles an hour. I also carry lumber on the roof and drive on dirt roads like a beat-up old Ford. What does that tell me about the gift I have been given? What does that tell the gift?

Does a gift lose its value if it remains ungiven? 

Illustration – If I cut down a tree, then Turn that tree into three identical tables. Two of them I give away immediately. I hold on to the last one for a long time because I have not yet found the person I want to give it to. Does the value of that table increase or decrease? 

The value does not come with being given. It comes from the maker and the giver. If you are still unconvinced of the value given by the creator, listen to all the action words in this familiar account of a woman who fears the Lord. I don’t want you to hear these words as a condemnation of what you should be doing, but as what God has given you the ability to do.

Seeks – works – brings – provides – rises – considers – buys – plants – presses – makes – perceives – holds – opens – reaches – fearless – clothes – makes – covers – makes – sells – delivers – laughs – teaches – looks – not idle – fears the Lord

God is not in the habit of giving bad gifts. Sometimes, a gift on the top shelf sits there for a long time because finding someone willing to pay the price takes a long time. 

1. You are a Mother by Grace

John 19:25-27 – ²⁵ but standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. ²⁶ When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” ²⁷ Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.

This part was probably the hardest for me to start and finish. There is so much I could say about this. 

C.S. Lewis – “The longer I looked into it the more I came to suspect that I was perceiving a universal law. On cause mieux quand on ne dit pas Causons. The woman who makes a dog the center of her life loses, in the end, not only her human usefulness and dignity but even the proper pleasure of dog-keeping. The man who makes alcohol his chief good loses not only his job but his palate and all power of enjoying the earlier (and only pleasurable) levels of intoxication. It is a glorious thing to feel for a moment or two that the whole meaning of the universe is summed up in one woman — glorious so long as other duties and pleasures keep tearing you away from her. But clear the decks and so arrange your life (it is sometimes feasible) that you will have nothing  to do but contemplate her, and what happens? Of course, this law has been discovered before, but it will stand re-discovery. It may be stated as follows: every preference of a small good to a great, or a partial good to a total good, involves the loss of the small or partial good for which the sacrifice was made. Apparently, the world is made that way. If Esau really got the pottage in return for his birthright, then Esau was a lucky exception. You can’t get second things by putting them first; you can get second things only by putting first things first. From which it would follow that the question, What things are first?”

I believe we have been lulled into a practice of putting a first thing into second place. The law that Lewis is talking about is visible in many areas of our lives if we look for it.The idea is that if you center your life around the wrong thing, you will lose that thing. If you make motherhood the center of your life, you will lose it. If you make being a wife the center of your life you will lose it. 

It would surprise me to find anyone, man or woman, that would argue with this statement; being given the responsibility to be a mother or not being given the responsibility to be a mother are two extremely hard, if not the hardest, callings for a woman to endure. 

The real sobering thought is that every single woman will fall into one of these two categories. They are not just challenging in their task, but they are challenging in ways hard to explain. In one instance, you have been given one of the greatest responsibilities a woman can have, and in the other instance, you have to endure the full weight of the consequences of a sinful world.

Genesis 3:16-21

• Because of sin, responsibility is corrupted.
• Because of sin, the order has been disrupted. 
• Because of sin, things are broken. 
• Because of sin, the heart aches. 

It is a heavy burden. But here is the truth. 

1 John 3:19-24

• Because of grace, responsibility can be redeemed
• Because of grace, order can be restored
• Because of grace, things can be mended. 
• Because of grace, the heart will not ache forever.

2 Cor 12:9-10 –  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

The responsibility given is one of great intentionality. However, it is not given because of strength. It is not withheld because of strength. It is not given because of merit. It is not withheld because of merit. 

It is given in grace and withheld in grace.

The God we serve is a consistent God. The God we serve is a trustworthy God. The God we serve is a good God.

So, there is a saying that most of you have heard. I believe it to be fairly true. At least in my own house. “Being a mother is the most thankless job you can have.” 

My encouragement to that is, but thank God that it is not a graceless one. 

So, mothers, where do you see His grace in your life?Men, do you recognize the grace in the women in your life, or are you fooled by the counterfeit substitutes? 

Mother’s Day should not merely be a day to give a card and flowers to a woman who has given birth to a child. Today is a day to recognize, encourage, and lift up those women who have answered, are answering, and are willing to answer the call when God says, take; I entrust you with this responsibility. 

You are a Woman by God. Which means you are enough. Not because of anything you have done but because of God’s love, mercy, and goodness. 

You are a Wife by Gift.Which means you are enough. The value does not come from anything you do but from the creator of the gift. Even the gifts delayed, mistreated, or ungiven retain their value. 

You are a Mother by Grace. Which means you are enough. Not because you have earned his favor. But because he has given you this responsibility and has promised to sustain you through it. 

In all three, you are responsible for sharing the good news of Jesus first in your home and then to all nations. The glory and honor are all due to Him. Rejoice! Delight in His grace. It is sufficient.