I have a problem. I need a real fake smile. There are a handful of people that I am not able to hide my disapproval. It is usually a big neon sign that shouts “I DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING,” or “YEAH, I AM NOT DOING THAT.” This is usually a hindrance to my work advancement. It is not a big deal on the personal relationship side because I am usually okay not having a relationship with those people anyways. The problem is that if I don’t like you or don’t have any respect for you, it is hard for me to hide it.
I believe most people have the ability to put on a facade that masks their disapproval. They are good at hiding their true feelings. My body language often says more about how much I respect you than anything else. I admit, the degree of respect that I offer is subjective, selfish at times, and blind to my own bias. Even so, that is much harder to fix without becoming a naive yes man with no spine. Sorry, that is not an option.
I have tried to research ways to put on a smile when I don’t want to. Most of what I found was a monk-like pursuit. Mindfulness and meditation so that you are not affected by those that seek to get a reaction. I am not going to throw all of the stones. Yes, this is most likely the most effective way and also the most profitable way. However, I am in a time crunch. I am not able to become a monk overnight.
I must learn how to be fake. So I thought maybe if there was something I could think about it would keep a smile on my face. What if this ability is similar to Harry Potter? Maybe it is not about being fake but more like attempting to do spells. Expecto Patronum. If you are unfamiliar with the movie, this spell only works if you hold the happiest thought in your mind. It must be a strong feeling to produce the charm. I think having a good attitude is a lot like producing this charm.
I began to think about what that thought could be. One that would be strong enough to handle the least amount of respect and resentment in my heart. Even in the face of ridicule and criticism. The word or thought has to have some truth to it. Something like “well done,” or “good job” could easily be false and give an ingenuine smile. Then the word came to me. Congratulations.It is general enough that it can always be true in some capacity. Congratulations for speaking a full sentence without barking like a dog. Congratulations you walked from your car to your office. Congratulations you didn’t poop in your pants. Even if the congratulations are for the most insulting and ridiculous things it will still produce a genuine smile.
I admit this will not encourage me to think better of my fellow man. However, it may protect the feelings of that man that I have little respect for. It may help me focus on the little things that are positive. Maybe this is the start of thinking the best when I don’t want to.
I had a good laugh with Jose this morning. He gave me the Spanish word for congratulations.
It has been a few days. The idea has worked. I have had a noticeable difference in my attitude and body language. I have been able to let go of the negative. And I have found that I have to lie less often than I thought I did.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 