It is okay to stand on the wall. I heard a statement in a video of Voddie Bauchman. “No one can know and take about everything. I am standing on the wall to which I have been assigned.” Running along the same thread as, its not the place I would have chosen, but it is where God has lead me. This seems to be the theme of the last few weeks. Find contentment in honoring the one who has lead you to where you stand on the wall.
I wonder how much I have to do with where I am standing. I am not sure that could identify where I stand right now. For most of my life I have felt like in a perpetual limbo. Moving around as a kid and not much different as an adult. I think four years has been the longest I have lived in one place and I haven’t stayed in a real job longer than two. Is it Bordem, discontentedness, a lack of trust or all the above. I mentioned to Katie the other night I wished that I could just fit in somewhere and not fit in everywhere. Not in an arrogance type of way but I seem to be able to fit in everywhere I go. Which means I don’t really fit in anywhere. The oddest feeling not to know where you belong.
A good friend of mine has an interview today. He is interviewing with another good friend of mine. God used me to bring them together. Both of these men to me seem to be very single minded and content with where God has them. Doing there very best. I have prayed hard over the last few weeks that this opportunity would work out. I hope not only for my idealistic view of the world but because I see hope in the idea that these two Godly men have found somewhere to serve and serve well. Because of this situation and the way God used me has made me wonder if I may not have a static place on the wall but more of a support roll for those that are on the wall. Able to see across lines and grasp things from different points of view. I am more of the oil that helps to lubricate all the parts of the engine.
Talk Too Much
I talk way too much. Like a faucet that once you turn it on the valve always breaks off in the on position. The only way to stop me is to shove a sock in my mouth. I still leak out a bit in my bodily actions. I think my daily prayer is that nothing that comes out is discouraging, or unhelpful. I think I like the oil in the engine metaphor. If I let crap into my life then it will have a serious impact on the parts that I come in contact with. I must have a filter that continues to clean me and I must constantly be changing the oil so that those around me can stay lubricated.
Matt 15:11 – Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him `unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him `unclean. … But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man `unclean.
My heart must be clean. In the context that I believe that Jesus is speaking is about what the Jews were allowed to eat. He took that and then made it about much more that the food intake. It is about the heart intake. I do not believe that Jesus meant that we could take in anything and be unclean, but I do think he was literally taking about food. I think that it would be fair to say that you can take in things that are unclean other that food. The things we watch, listen too, and involve ourselves with. Each of us has a different filter that we can “handle” the things we consume. Different strokes for different folks. At the end of the day I think Jesus was expressing the importance of what comes out and what comes out ultimately come from what you believe and thinking in your heart. What you believe and think in your heart must come from what you take in. So logically we should carefully monitor the things we take in.
Now I may be out of line when I give my opinion of “we should carefully monitor the things we take in”. I think that it is far more that just controlling what we consume. Media, friends, thoughts, and all the other “worldly” things. I think that when I say we carefully monitor I mean that sometimes being in the world it is far from easy to stop things from being consumed. We can not always avoid but we can have awareness of them. When they do enter our hearts, what happens next. What does that thought, media, or idea do to our heart? Is it something that we should believe? Is it something that we should fear? Is it something that we must hold fast too? Do we past that along or let it fester? Do we dismiss it or bury it? Do we know the condition of our hearts?
This brings to mind my son. A week ago he had a bad dream. My son has refused to go up stairs with out someone with him or many tears. I have little empathy for many people. It is the 8 wing. My wife is much more compassionate. The dream was an uncontrollable intake of an idea. My son did not choice this or want to endure it. It changed his heart. It took a piece of trust from him. It took a piece of security from him. It took truth from him. The truth is that Jesus is in control, his protector, provider, Shepard and king. The dream has stolen his heart. The sobering aspect of this for me is that I have not shown my son how to check the condition of his heart. And to filter the things that attempt to alter it. The only reason I haven’t taught him, is because I barely know how myself.
We all do what my son did every single day. If you think that dreams are the only way that unclean ideas invade our hearts you are so very blind. Every post that you look at on Facebook. Every conversation you have with another human. Every situation you face seeks to seed change in your heart for good or for evil. The older we get the easier it is because the conditions of our heart are so deep with ideas and experiences that shape what we truly believe. Without the proper foundation then the condition of our hearts are either too hard, too soft, too big or too small. Too easily hurt, not able to love, Too blind, or not blind enough.
It allows me to be accepting of the right people and running from the ones that will harm. Proverbs 1:10-19.
It allows me to serve those that need to be serve and encourage those that need no longer to be enabled. James 1:27, 2 These 3:10
It allows me to forgive and not take revenge for my self. Romans 12:17-19
It give me the strength to trust that God is my father and not some powerful over lord that seeks to have servants. He is a loving and attentive Father that wants good for His children. Psalms 23
Our hearts matter. The core of what I believe matters. It matters not what position I take on the wall if the condition of my heart is poor with the fears, doubts and successes of the world. I will only find shifting sands. It matters not where I stand if the condition of my heart leads to discouragement and doubt. I must examine the condition of my heart. What lies are present? What truths need to stay? What fears are distorting? What are the areas that I cannot see but need others to point out? This must not be a sole expedition. It is impossible to monitor our own hearts alone. Nothing was ever meant to be alone other than Christ on the cross. He was there alone, so I get to stand on the wall with others.
Nos & Rehtaf, Dnabsuh 