Where Did They Go?

A response to the goal: “I don’t want my children to walk away from the church, so I must find one they enjoy going to.”

The way all humans act, and the decisions they make are heavily determined by what they believe. This stays consistent with our children. Their action will be directly tied to what they believe to be true. If they believe their mom will say yes more often than their dad, they will ask their mom. If they believe the teachers or adults, in general, are incompetent, they will not obey authority. 

It is imperative we understand what our children believe, where it came from, and how to correct it. The common pitfall is all we have to do is speak the right belief to correct it and speak it repeatedly. Sadly, our attempts to correct beliefs verbally fall on deaf ears. God did not develop the ears to work in children, or adults for that matter. {Side-note: I must speak with God about this design flaw.} Our ears are terrible, but our eyes work way too well. 

Some of the beliefs our children hold are only changed by the consistency seen in their parents. Our kids hear only the words that match our actions. Those actions portray our true beliefs. The beliefs we are unable to hide no matter how hard we try. Those are the beliefs, good and bad, we are instilling unintentionally.  

Our consistency and inconsistency are incredibly influential in our children’s lives. For a time, we can get by, in certain areas, living in opposition to what we say. However, there will come a time when our actions will be measured against our words. That time is impossible to predict. It could occur early when the kids are in their teens or after they leave for college. There are some the make it well into adulthood before they realize the inconsistencies. It is not something we should leave to chance.

Consequently, the quickest way to lead our children to apathy or hatred of the church is to paint an idyllic picture of the church, show them the potential, then leave when it is not reached. If I want my kids to value the “church,” I must show them the worst about it, then model a humble response through gentle firm truth, seeking peace and unity. 

It is dangerous if our children are presented with a conflict-free, ever-exciting, continually filling “church experience.”  When they get to the age to decide for themselves, they will run from the institution and possibly God because no “church” in history has ever been able to deliver on that promise. However, if we show them the reality of the church and its true purpose while modeling Christ’s and the apostle’s responses, we will have a real chance at changing their behavior towards God’s institution. 

To change action, you must first change the belief. Do not be deceived. The belief that needs changing is not in our children. The change in belief must happen in us first. So now the real question becomes, what is the belief I hold causing my children to act in a way contrary to, “the way they should go.”